Q: How do you guarantee you will crave something like never before?

A: Just try to cut it out of your diet…

Some extra stress in my life, the crummy weather we've been having, a lackluster race result, throw in an untimely zit and mix it all up with a bad day on the bathroom scale and Martin now has a sub-par self-image.

So what better to do than try and lose some weight, right? Right. That was a rhetorical question.

Weight loss and cycling have been married since the dawn of time, Lang R said it pretty well over at the Cycle University blog and I guess I'm not immune. My mind keeps going back to one ride after I stopped racing (a few years after college) that I attended right after adopting a vegetarian diet. I was riding much less than when I used to race and certainly not as fast but I had lost about 10 solid pounds when some friends and I went for a jaunt in the mountains down by Rainier. And I was climbing like crazy!

Not only was I climbing pretty well but my breathing was never labored. What a glorious feeling being able to keep up with racers while chatting.

ASIDE - another interesting (and when I say 'interesting' I of course mean 'not rational') thing about cyclists and probably athletes in general is that they hold themselves to the highest standard that they have ever achieved. Instead of being realistic about the goals they can attain because of fitness or age or ability to train, they lament the good old days when they were at some brief, difficult to attain peak of fitness.

Well that one ride or that peak kind of sticks with you. And when your ability to train is limited (for good reasons I'll grant you - stuff like family, work, having a life off the bike and maintaining friendships, etc.) you still constantly live in the past replaying your (probably brief) moments of glory over and over in your mind. Sometimes this human VCR behavior is accompanied by intensive intervals of couch time super setted with Costco size bags of potato chips and whatever local micro brew is in season which unfortunately only compounds the problem. Well, the feelings of inadequacy and slothliness anyway.

All this is a long way of saying that I am now on day two of Martin's no sugar and alcohol regime.

I'd like to lose a few pounds for racing and figure this is hopefully an easy way to get the job done plus also a healthy thing to do. Sugar and alcohol seem like the epitome of empty calories to me. Fun yes, but not anything to worry about if it's gone. As much as I believe you can eat most anything when you are exercising a lot, I also believe you should still try to eat a lot of GOOD things instead of crap. At work people are constantly bringing cookies, cake, chocolate, treats, etc. to the front office and we also get the catering leftovers from staff meetings, recruitment sessions and faculty events. We get a LOT of food and I (usually) have zero will power to resist. My goal is to change that. For a while anyway.

ANOTHER ASIDE - at what point do you reach a milestone when embarking on a course like this? I imagine that 24 hours is one, and maybe 72 hours is another. Then a week probably and then a month? Who knows if I will make it that long, i seriously doubt it… They say that to effectively lose weight you need to change your lifestyle and not go on a diet and I believe that.

So back to the point of this post. Once I decided to not eat any sugar I am f'n CRAVING things like a peanut butter cookie, ice cream and a nice piece of dark chocolate. Oh my god, I feel like what I imagine a smoker that is trying to quit feels like. Okay, not. That has got to be much harder; but hyperbole can be used for effect and I want some drama here.

And what did I buy just before deciding to do this…?! An 18-pack of Bud Light, that's what. :( Don't get me wrong, Bud Light is not Martin's idea of the next Oktoberfest gold medal beer or anything but when you are thirsty and just want something refreshing, it sure hits the spot without weighing you down. Hey, that could be a slogan…!

How bad was that 'bad' day on the scale you ask? It was about one week ago and the scale read 183. OMG shut up you say. Well I hear you but I also know that I need to really strong at 180 to climb well and if I'm 175 or less it gets noticeably easier. In the winter my weight usually hovers around 185 and in the summer - if we have one - I usually get down to 175 at some point. So I got myself all jacked up, got my psych on, made the decision yesterday and then this morning I stepped on the scale. 176. WTF?

I should know better. I bet my weight varies up to five pounds depending on how hydrated or stuffed I am so I will need to back off of the snap judgments and just build a baseline by weighing myself at the same time of day for several days here. What's the goal? A consistent 175 or slightly less. If I can hold that for a few weeks then I'll be happy.

Sheesh, after reading this you might think that:

• Martin is a girl.
• Martin is off (or on depending on your perspective) his medication.
• Martin has taken cycling at the local/club level and blown it WAY out of proportion.
• Martin isn't listening to his own advice and is still living in the past.
• Martin just needs to throw his scale in the nearest dumpster and ride harder.
• Martin needs to man up and stop blogging about things like weight, maybe switch to something like trucks or guns or hot chicks or hot chicks that shoot guns while driving trucks.

And you might be justified. We'll see if I make that second and third milestone or if I fall off the wagon and into a bottomless Guinness ice cream float.

Technorati Tags: weight loss,cycling

that guy–running up a mountain pass in your Speedo

So I'm watching the last stage of the Tour of California and for a change the weather is pretty nice. When you combine that with a long climbs the fans are suddenly able to get really close to the athletes. In cycling this is apparently an invitation for some loony behavior …

I think it all started with Didi Senft – the Devil of the Tour de France. This guy became famous for running alongside the racers in a devil costume brandishing a pitchfork. And not showering much from what I've heard… Now it seems everyone wants some camera face time at bike races.

Today I saw the following.

• A dude in a Speedo and nothing else. Back to basics I guess.
• Three dudes in Speedos with their helmets on backwards. Now that's just whacky.
• The usual group with painted faces, although they did not run too far from their cooler.
• All the flag waving fans that are always within inches of stuffing their flag in the spokes of some rider.
• Hundreds of people with some sort of handheld bell… did they issue these or something?
• Some guy with cycling shorts and tie. Need I say it? And nothing else.
• A person wearing a (really bad) Roman Legionnaire costume complete with sword.
• This character with a football jersey, matching shorts and enormous antlers on his football helmet. He has made more than one appearance this year. It says Montana on the jersey. And it probably says his mother smoked and drank during her pregnancy in some hospital filing cabinet.
• Two guys in giant fat suites/sumo costumes. They were the best, totally hilarious.

Truth be told I guess it's not much different than a playoff game in hockey or football. I wonder if living vicariously through athletes produces as many endorphins/testosterone/whatever as it does for the athlete and since you are not actually doing anything physical you need to vent this energy in some other way? Or is there some hard-core sports fan club that I'm not aware of and to get in you have to endure some sort of initiation.

"Okay Bill, you have shown extreme dedication and loyalty to your team by organizing the tailgate party and the keg chug for kids during spring training but tomorrow you need to go all the way. We're going to need you to wear nothing but your high school gym shorts and some body paint at the game. We know it's going to be 28 degrees but we want to be sure you really want to be in the club…"

Oh man, I just saw the guys in the fat/sumo suits again – they rule.

Technorati Tags: that guy,Speedo,Didi Senft,the Devil of the Tour de France

that guy-I take 30 minutes between sets at the gym

And more, Jesus.

So there is this guy at the gym I go to that I have always thought was kinda amusing but today I decided he's pretty ridiculous as well. No really, I just did that. :)

Anyone who has lifted weights at a gym knows who I'm talking about... he's the guy that takes forever to complete a set while the world is waiting. Never mind that he might be using the only machine of this kind, you need to wait. He has developed this finely-tuned routine and damn it nobody is going to mess with it or his mojo during the whole psyching up process he goes through for every single set.

What am I talking about? Here goes.

• First of all this is one skinny dude. He obviously is doing something wrong because for the amount of time he goes to the gym he should be making serious gains. SERIOUS. What's the take-away from this people? Time in the gym does not gun show equal.
• He wears this completely comical white, terry cloth sweatband on his head. When I see it all I can think of is Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. And he never actually breaks a sweat. Ironic? Maybe just ridiculous.
• He's always sporting the full, gauntlet style weightlifting gloves complete with elastic Velcro band around the wrist. Why? To prevent the massive calluses his lengthy workouts might produce no doubt. I say might because for every hour this clown is at the gym he probably is actually lifting weights for about five minutes.
• He ALWAYS shows up to the gym in this white, really low, scooped neck tank top. I'm not sure what the neckline is called but I've only seen it in women's clothing catalogs. On the rare occasion he might have a sweatshirt over the tank top but it's there underneath, trust me. I could not help noticing that it's yellowed under the arms. Pit stains...?! Hello, how much can these things cost, $2.99? I say stock up if it's a regular part of your wardrobe. Please, if not for you then for the rest of us.
• Flexing, he's always flexing. If it's not a futile attempt to show off his his non-existent pecs then he's lifting his shirt to check out his own six pack in the mirror. And he'll do this from way across the gym when the mirror is not even close. I usually avert my eyes when this happens so I can't actually confirm the existence of said six pack but damn he does this a lot.
• Time is obviously not a factor in this guy's life; he obviously has tons. There is no other explanation for how long it takes him to complete a set. One day I literally watched him complete three sets of an exercise in the 30 minutes I was doing cardio. THREE SETS. He started out by carefully placing the weights on the machine. Then he would adjust his sweatband, his gloves, pace around a bit (channeling something or someone no doubt) and finally sit down. Then he had to close his eyes and rally his resources for the massive effort he about to undertake. After finally finishing one set, he would repeat this routine with the additions of walking to the other side of the gym and back (you gotta get your rest of course) and LINING UP THE HANDLES ON ALL THE WEIGHTS.) For the second and third set he took it to a whole new level. This chest press machine has a seatbelt. Not sure why you would fly off the seat while pushing on weights that force you down into it but it's there. And this guy has to use it. And adjust it. And tighten it. And adjust it some more. And tighten it some more. Oh my god, it makes me crazy just writing about this... And when he's done with his three mighty sets, does he put anything away? Of course not.

Of course the bigger question might be why Martin feels compelled to watch this guy and memorize all the details of his comical routine - I feel like it has been burned into my brain! Why can't I just do my thing and go home? Good question. But it's not the point here; I want to vent.

Okay, therapy session is over, I feel better now.

Technorati Tags: that guy

itchy butt

I know, catchy little title for this post isn't it?

So last week I finally succumbed to the overwhelming weight that is SAD and went tanning at my gym. Not such a big deal, right? Well... not if you do it right and don't boil your booty so to speak.

Eight minutes the first day felt fine. 10 minutes the second day felt okay too. After 10 minutes on day three I needed moisturizer pretty much everywhere.

So I took the weekend off and did 10 more minutes today. Bad move.

Today I can NOT sit still. My ass (which is probably covered more than any other part of my body) is all prickly and tingly. I have to consciously tell myself not to scratch myself as I walk down the hall and I'm constantly shifting in my chair. It's like one of those slow tortures that isn't really going to hurt you, it's just going to drive you insane and break your spirit.

If I were an intelligent person, there might be a few take-aways from this experience.

• Deal with it. By the time SAD starts to kick in the sun is already out significantly longer than in the dead of winter. Daylight Saving Time is just around the corner! Well, two months is a pretty long corner but you get my drift.
• Cover your ass dummy! Unless you are a nudist it's probably okay to be pasty in that region.
• Take it easy! How about starting out with tanning every other day or even every third day? What's the big rush when it's only February? Besides, this time of year there is only one person in Martin's life that will see this tan.
• Hello...! Ever heard of skin cancer? Melanoma? 'Nuf said.

Of course knowing me once I recover from this agony the pain and discomfort will fade all too quickly and I will just end up repeating this mistake next winter or later this year even. If not under the radiation of indoor cookers then outdoors on a towel. Sigh...

On the bright side the itch is just in the back. :|

Technorati Tags: tanning