A funny thing happened at the Pride Parade the other day.

I've been going to the Seattle Pride Parade for years. It's awesome!

What is not so awesome is that some people use this event and a confrontational style to espouse alternative viewpoints. I'm all for letting people say what they want but when they happen to be standing way too close to me and yelling in my ear it pisses me off - not gonna lie.

For at least three years now I have seen this same guy. You know who I'm talking about, he's the guy with the 'Jesus Saves' sign that has been laminated for durability in one hand and a bible in the other that has what looks like just about every other page marked with a stick-on tab so he can reference specific quotes on demand.

ASIDE - I gotta wonder what he is thinking, right? If he's trying to convert folks it seems he has picked the wrong event and even if some people were on the edge, his agro attitude is pretty off-putting.

This year was no different in that the parade was a blast and this guy ended up stationing himself right next to us. Dang.

Jesus doesn't just save, he saves you from HELL people.

Love the font he used for PERISH. is that flames?

So this guy launches into his extremely well-rehearsed, extremely loud tirade and then 2013 turned out different than previous years.

I'm not sure when it happened but at one point this kid is standing right next to Jesus Saves and starts waving a rainbow flag next to his head incessantly. I mean he keeps this up for a LONG time and never says one word. After a while another kid shows up and starts beating these two inflatable batons together that one float was schwagging people with. The sound of the batons was shrill and deafening and it did an extremely effective job of drowning this guy out...!

Suddenly these two kids are joined by a small mob of people how had obviously had enough of Jesus Saves and what I saw next made me actually laugh out loud.

Note baton boy on the left and flag boy just next to him.

I love these kids.

With all due respect to my friends that do believe Jesus saves, you are my friends in part because you don't foist your views on me. At an event that is all about tolerance and acceptance, this guy deserved what he got.

Technorati Tags: Jesus Saves,Pride Parade,fuck this guy,this guy is stupid

pants in the shower guy

I feel like the person that tells you an incredible story to which you respond with an incredulous eyebrow raise and they reply, "Hey, I'm not making this stuff up!" Because I'm not.

So I'm in the IMA locker room shower... [Always a good way to start any story in my opinion.] and I'm toweling off when this guy walks up.

At first I thought he was just going to wet his towel or something because he's wearing jeans, socks and tennis shoes and carrying his towel.  But no; Mr. Jeans, socks and tennis shoes walks right into the shower, turns on the water and proceeds to wash his hair.  While wearing his jeans, socks and tennis shoes! IN THE SHOWER.

Of course the whole time he's doing this he's all bent over in a supreme effort not to get his pants and shoes wet.

As I'm trying my best not to laugh out loud or stare too much I'm thinking there has got to be a reason he is doing this, right? Let's go over some possible scenarios.

1. He's mortified of being naked around other guys. This is not that unusual and I have seen tons of guys who try to undress/get dressed with their towel wrapped securely around their waist. Some guys even go so far as to not remove their shorts (swimming or otherwise) while in the shower and simply shove their soapy hand down their pants and then pull the waist elastic away from their body to rinse after. Other guys will just wear shorts under their pants, work out, put their pants back on over their shorts and go home where I'm assuming they can then shower in private.
2. He forgot to wash his hair and didn't remember until he was half way dressed. This seems not so plausible to me as I would just get undressed again or freaking forgo the shampoo. I mean I did rinse my hair. Besides, most people wash their hair once per day anyway so the next washing is just not that far off. Pits and crotch seem way higher up on the list of washing priorities to me. Plus, I'd feel like an enormous idiot WALKING INTO THE IMA SHOWER WITH MY PANTS AND SHOES ON. Then again, some people are motivated by different things than me.
3. I can't really think of a third scenario but my tendency is to try and list things in threes so I gave it a shot.

I think it had to be #1. Discuss amongst yourselves.

After getting dressed I'm walking out of the locker room and the hall to the exit passes the lifeguard/first-aid room by the swimming pool where the door happened to be open. Here is the sound bite that I heard.

"Okay, so it's 8:30 Friday night and this guy runs in, gags himself and runs out! We totally had to shut down the pool."

I'll just pause a second while that sinks in.

in case you didn't get it, here is what went down. On some Friday night, this guy runs over to the swimming pool, makes himself throw up IN THE POOL and then runs away. WTF? Here again are some possible scenarios.

1. Some sort of fraternity hazing. Doubtful; I was in a fraternity and our house at least did not do stuff that would make our pledges 1) look stupid (in public anyway) or 2) dramatically increase the odds of getting arrested for attempted bioterrorism.
2. Bioterrorism. Well, although extremely amateurish this person's act did succeed in getting the pool shut down but did they have to flush it? Were the men in haz-mat suits called? I suspect not. Odds are they just pumped another metric shit-ton of chemicals into the water and waited a bit for them to disperse and opened the pool back up.
3. A game of Truth or Dare gone awry. Who knows, kids these days...

People. Always a good source of entertainment I say.

Technorati Tags: that guy,pants in the shower

You must be talking about somebody else...

If you are an athlete or know people that are athletes you all know 'that guy'. I'm talking about the guy that injures himself and persists in finishing the race or whatever arduous activity they happen to be undertaking at the time. And as you watch them or hear about this effort all you can think is. "Damn, that must hurt. Why didn't they just stop?"

Some classic examples are runners staggering, disoriented toward the finish line of a Marathon or Ironman Triathlon all dehydrated and obviously totally out of it. Or a gymnast vaulting with a broken ankle. If you are as big of an Olympics fan as I am you know what I mean.

Well guess what.

Now it appears I am that guy.

Four weeks ago I sprained my left ankle. It was kind of bad but no break and it started healing up relatively quickly. Last Friday I went to see my PT as I was unsure about whether or not I could run my next 50k and he gave me the green light. Yes! Oh man was I excited.

So I went. And I ran. And I sprained my left ankle again.

At the time it did hurt - a lot. I'm no doctor but I suppose I figured that if I was really damaging my body it would hurt more? Then again, it's entirely possible that I did most of the damage with the actual sprain and my running on it after didn't contribute too much...

ASIDE - that's one of the things I will ask my Podiatrist this Friday when I see him and until then I'll just keep living in my little dream world where nothing is my fault.

In spite of my ankle hurting I continued to run. For another 4.5 hours. Why? Damn good question. I suppose sometimes the sheer inertia of driving somewhere, paying for a ferry, camping, paying to run, being away from your wife, waking up early, trying to eat right and all the training you put in is just as powerful as having blinders on or being hyper motivated to win. For sure I was not in this race to win anything; running ultras has just been about challenging myself. Heck, I even took along my camera so I wouldn't be worried about how fast or slow I was going.

I know the picture above is not of a graphic break with blood shooting all over the place or anything but all the other images that might actually show damage are not really understandable by me so I chose the one that clearly displayed my foot. :) I just got the results of the above MRI and the preliminary diagnoses and here is the deal.

• "The anterior talofibular ligament is disrupted with no remaining intact fascicles." I only know what about half the words in that sentence mean but it does not sound good. Sounds like I tore a ligament off.
• "Peroneus brevis has a longitudinal split." Shit. Splits should only involve hot cheerleaders or bananas and ice cream.
• "Large effusion lies in the ankle joint." Okay, that one I got; I have massive swelling. And they're right.
• "The telar dome has an osteochondral injury with prominent underlying marrow edema." To me 'edema' means pooling or bruising so does this mean I have bone marrow leaving my bone?! That's can't be good.
• My Chiropractor said surgery is a definite possibility.
• My PT said I'm looking at six weeks off.
• My primary care doctor said I might not need surgery!

Of course all it took was that first bullet and the 'six weeks' comment and I am rapidly sinking into a deep,deep depression. Pass the extra thick tortilla chips so I can scoop this chocolate pudding. And good thing I already stoked up on wine.

It's interesting; as I think back on my 'athletic career' as it were it has ben surprisingly free of serious injuries. For sure I got some BAD road rash falling off my bicycle a few times and I almost dislocated my shoulder once but none of those stopped me cold like this injury is. My friends were breaking their collar bones and legs and I was just sailing along relatively unscathed. Well now it's me.

And it's hard.

I know, major revelation, right? What am I going to do for six weeks? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN'T BEND YOUR ANKLE? This means I can't even get on the sissy elliptical trainer. I won't even be able to do 90% of my core exercises as they are weight-bearing. I have visions of going back to work one of those shin scooter/knee walker thingies.

And then once I do get the okay to exercise, how will I be able to 1) be at peace with the fitness I have lost and 2) not rush it so I re-injure myself yet again? This is not the learning curve I wanted to be subjected to right now.

Argh...!

Shelley has already been warned that I might will be a huge, whiny baby.

Technorati Tags: marrow edema,sprained ankle

shit people say

Hahahahaha… I love this stuff. LOVE it.

Technorati Tags: Shit Yogis Say,Shit Girls Say,Shit Black Girls Say

just because you are in college does not mean you are smart

I was listening to NPR this morning on the way to the gym and they were saying that Joe Paterno got fired as football coach of Penn State.

Sounds logical to me. From what I can tell assistant coach Jerry Sandusky has been abusing boys for over a decade and not only did Penn State folks know about it, it appears that Joe lied and said he did not know. He also never contacted the appropriate authorities when he learned what Sandusky was doing. Nice.

The NPR story said students on the Penn State campus are protesting the firing. I guess I can understand how if you have tons of team spirit and love football you might want the dynasty to continue. But the story also said they were rioting. Hello…?

Let me spell it out for you.

YOUR COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACH IS PROTECTING A RAPIST.

Seriously, just think about it for one minute and ask yourself why exactly you are getting all agro and turning over cars and being a huge dumbass.

What's that? You don't know? I thought so.

The one ray of light is a quote by some Penn State official I heard on NPR (forgot who it was…). They said that it was understandable that students might want to protest. In fact, that was the American way and the Penn State way but it did not change that what Paterno did was wrong and that he needed to be let go immediately. Right on.

Technorati Tags: Penn State,Joe Paterno,Jerry Sandusky,sex scandal

Actually… you're the one that's dumb.

We've all dreamed of being there with that perfect one-liner to shut down the local village idiot, right? This is a perfect example.

I like MADDERer MEN.

Technorati Tags: MADDERer MEN

Go Beyond The Cover

I am a huge of the big reveal and this video does it in spades.

Sometimes companies find the perfect spokes person and I gotta say, when Dermablend found Rico Genest it was obviously meant to be.

My favorite quote? "I think I'm ready to go get a job now!" And don't forge the music… Zoo Brazil feat. Rasmus Kellerman - There Is Hope; so hypnotic and captivating. I love it.

Thanks to Shelley for pointing this video out to me.

Technorati Tags: Dermablend,Rico The Zombie,Rico Genest,Go Beyond The Cover

insanity has a new name and it is Ueli Steck

I know human nature is to push the limits. If one person can do an Ironman Triathlon then others will do ten. If one person skis off a cliff then someone else has to drop from higher up. To the point where you need a parachute to survive.

ASIDE - of course sometimes things go very wrong. Which is exactly why all this extreme sports stuff is so insane.

Still, in spite of the risks people will never stop trying to go faster, higher, longer and thus put themselves out there where disaster is pretty much the only option if they make a mistake. Any mistake.

One of those people is Ueli Steck.

I was surfing YouTube today and came across this video. It's Ueli climbing the north face of the Eiger. What used to take days (as popularized in one of my favorite Clint Eastwood movies) took Ueli just 2:47. TWO HOURS AND FORTY SEVEN MINUTES. Jesus Christ.

Sit back, relax (or break into a sweat like I did) and watch this guy do his stuff.

If I do a mistake, I fall off.

Back in the day I thought speed climbing on rock faces or soloing huge walls was crazy but Ueli takes 'crazy' to a whole new level.

Anyone who has climbed probably knows about the rest step, it's a technique that lets you recover for a split second (or longer if needed) while you ascend. Ueli is practically running up that last snow field! He truly is the Swiss Machine:

I'm really like fanatical training.

"My vision is taking the fast, light alpine style to big, really technical alpine faces in the world."

"We start simulclimbing, it was so cool."

He keeps talking about how you need to control everything to have a successful ascent. It is my humble opinion that on the north face of the Eiger (or any similar alpine peak) there are quite a few things that are by definition out of your control. But hey, some people think that descending a twisty road on a bicycle with narrow tires at 45 mph is nuts so where do you draw the line? For sure Ueli draws it over there and I draw it over here.

You go Ueli. I just hope you are single and don't have any kids. And that someone is constantly following you around with an HD camera.

Technorati Tags: Ueli Steck,Eiger,speed record

I meant October 21...

Funny how short the attention span of the average American is.

Not long ago people were anxiously awaiting the end of the world – at least according the families I heard interviewed on NPR – (or obliviously watching shite television depending on your level of awareness) waiting for the rapture that was promised to arrive on May 21 2011.

May 21 came.

And went.

And nothing much happened as far as I could tell.

You gotta love the explanation of the delay; and of the whole 'rapture' thing really.

Basically it amounts to you don't know, only we know. And those words you have been using? The ones like 'earthquake' and 'rapture' and whatever else we decide is relevant? Yeah, they don't mean what you thought they did. I'm right, you are wrong, neener neener.

Pretty easy to win an argument if you write the rules is all I gotta say.

What I wouldn't have given to be able to conduct follow-up interviews with all the families that timed their budget so ALL money would run out exactly on 21 May. I heard people proudly extol their checklists.

• Savings all used up? Check.
• Quit your job? Check. I mean c'mon people, earning more money when the end is so near would just be 'greedy'.
• All material possessions given away? Check.

I wonder how this manner of misleading people is any different from some sort of financial swindle like a pyramid scheme or Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. I suppose there was no financial requirement to believe Harold Camping; in fact he didn't seem to care much one way or the other what you thought. After all, there wasn't any way that he could grow those that would be raptured as the selection process was 100% in god's hands. Feel like repenting? Go for it, ain't gonna help you tho.

And besides, I firmly believe you can only protect people from themselves so much.

Maybe it's a good thing we can remember anything (read: hold a grudge) too long or Mr. Camping would would be in big trouble.

Technorati Tags: Family Radio,rapture,May 21 2011,October 21 2011,Harold Camping

There is no plan B!

Remember back in 1994 when Harold Camping did his 'bible math' and predicted that the world would end on 6 September? Oops...

I was listening to NPR the other day and learned that it turns out Mr. Camping had not completed his biblical research. "At that time had not [sic] gone through the book of Jeremiah, which is a big book in the Bible that has a whole lot to say about the end of the world." This time the end of the world is coming on 21 May 2011. No, really. It's all right there in my bible math, feel free to check it.

Dear Mr. Camping. I bet all of your followers could have been spared a lot of grief and embarrassment if you had bothered to finish your reading homework.

Dear followers of Mr. Camping. WTF...?! From what I recall there was no 'plan B' back in 1994 so what are you thinking this time round?

According to NPR it's unfortunately the case that some of them are not thinking.

What gets me are people like the young (mid 30s) family I heard interviewed and they said that they have managed their finances so that they will run out of money exactly on May 21. All of their savings, gone. They quit their jobs, they spent their retirement funds, everything. Trying to earn more money at this point with the end so near would just be 'greedy' one of them said.

I'd put a reminder on my calendar to check out web sites like this a week from Sunday but I think I need to apply a second coat of wax on our car that day, or run the refresh cycle on my laptop battery and watch the progress bar the entire time. You know, really important stuff. But if I was a reporter, I would give anything to stick a microphone in the face of all these people who had no plan B on 22 May and be like,"And... now what?"

I guess what kills me is that any time someone does bible 'science' or 'math' or quotes from the scriptures I can't help thinking that they are forgetting the most basic flaw in their argument. Unlike some holy script like say the book of Mormon, the bible is total hearsay, right? It's just a bunch of stories and second (or third) hand accounts of what some people claim happened that were written hundreds of years after said events took place and written in a language other than English. Last time I checked basing anything on he-said or she-said is flawed. Fundamentally. To say nothing of waiting hundreds of years. And have you ever heard of the expression, "lost in translation"? Hello, it happens.

But that's what faith is all about, right? You need to continue to believe something in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. If you didn't you wouldn't be faithful after all. Stubbornness is a sign of strength. Genius.

I also love the domain that Mr. Camping chose for his web site: http://www.familyradio.com/

What's my favorite thing about the site? Is it the answers that Mr. Camping gives to callers' questions which are 100% his personal interpretation of the bible? Or that the teachings of this site seem to change every time that Mr. Camping changes his mind? Nope, it's this image:

In closing I figured I would hip you to one more teaching of the Camping Camp just in case you were thinking this might be a really opportune time to jump on the bandwagon and secure your place in the rapture as it were before 21 May comes along and throws a bucket of cold water (or hell fire in this case) on your party.

Salvation is unmerited and cannot be achieved by good works, prayer, belief or acceptance. It is a pure act of God's grace and that those to be saved were chosen "before the foundation of the world". Camping has been accused of adding conditions to salvation and teaching relative free will of humanity. However, he has admitted that some, though very few, could be saved, while still in the worldly churches, just as there would be those saved inside the nation of Israel, and that leaving the churches is merely something a believer should do, just as a believer should not lie or cheat. He also gives credit to God for what has been called "common grace", where the unsaved, the yet to be saved and the saved are blessed to do good works, but this is not considered the gift of salvation itself.

Sweet. Where do I sign up? Oh wait, I can't. God has already decided for me.

Technorati Tags: Harold Camping,end of the world,21 May 2011

Why? Because I can. That's why.

God Bless the United States of America. And what the hell, God bless this guy too.

All that is missing is the beer can in the other hand.

Because really, I wouldn't want to live in a country where it was forbidden to drive your ATV through some(body else's?) field and empty your handgun into the air. I mean shit, the A-rabs have been doing it for years; they just ride camels. Or is it horses? Whatever, those turbans still look dumb. And don't even think of raising my taxes! Or teaching my daughter about how to avoid getting pregnant. Did I mention that gays are going to hell?

Sorry, got carried away there. Where was I? Oh yeah, God bless this camo-wearing, gun-toting epitome of all that is great about our country. Seriously.

Technorati Tags: Osama bin Laden,stereotypical American

You're not going to lock that bike up here are you...?

This morning I went to a regular appointment I have every Friday morning and locked my bicycle to the railing next to the building entrance. The structure is a converted apartment building and the owner leases the spaces to business. To get to the entrance door you walk (or ride in my case) up this pedestrian ramp and end up on a landing. It's not huge but never have I thought that my bike would cause any sort of problem. It's actually the side door of the building as the gate which accesses the front front door is always locked. I guess the owners must think the front door faces a 'sketchy' (read: lots of people pass by here) street or something. It's worth noting that the landing just inside the gate by the front door is nice an spacious but no convenient to get to s I would have to go down a flight of stairs just to get there from this side door.

So I go to my appointment which costs me money and thus enables the business I patronize to pay rent which in turn lines the pocketbook of the building owner.

As I'm unlocking my bike while getting ready to leave this guy walks up. I move my bike out of the way and he steps to the side door. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him pause like he's thinking about what he's going to say... and then he finally does.

"We have clients coming through here so would you mind not locking your bike up to this railing?"

Nice.

Even though I knew exactly what was coming (years of commuting by bicycle have taught me that at least) I still just stood there and gave him what must have been a mildly incredulous look.

All these possible responses were racing through my head.

• "I am a client."
• "Just as soon as you provide a bike rack (which building code probably stipulated anyway when you converted this from a residence to business) I'd be happy to."
• "C'mon... is that really how you want to start your day?"
• "I guess you have one less client to worry about now."

It was obvious that he thought I was a bicycle messenger or something. You know, one of 'those' people that can't afford the services of his tenants. And in his defense I was wearing baggy MTB shorts, knee warmers, Vans tennis shoes, a fleece top, gloves (one of which has a hole in it) and had on a big messenger bag. Still, why so grumpy? And what are the odds of anyone leaving this building not being a client? In the three or so years I have been going here Friday mornings I have encountered about two people total arriving AND leaving.

In the end I simply ran out of energy, nodded my head and rode away. After all, the sun was starting to come out, it was not raining and I was really looking forward to descending Interlaken while it's still closed to cars. Seems there is some pavement instability caused by the heavy rains we had recently and I'm certain there are not many things that are better than rounding a left hand corner at speed knowing for certain no oncoming traffic is headed your way.

Besides, now I know what vehicle he drives.

Technorati Tags: that guy

beer bout

Ever spend time with an insufferable beer snob? There is always something not good enough about any brand you suggest... It's too American, too hoppy, too light, too trendy, too whatever. Practically makes you want to switch to wine. This comes to you via one of my favorite 'cycling' blogs All Hail the Black Market.

Love it. Good to see the champagne of beers (or something close to it anyway) getting some props.

In many ways I'm glad that these kinds of people exist.

• As long as no one gets hurt this is some damn entertaining reading.
• If they do hurt themselves, oh well...
• Reading this I get to feel all superior. That's important for shallow folks like me.
• It simultaneously brings out the beer snob in me and the low budget scrounge. Bottom line, I'm not turning it down if it's spelled "beer".

Technorati Tags: All Hail the Balck Market

Magic bracelets? Why sure, I'll buy that.

And according to the Associated Press, so have enough other people to generate 35 million in sales from just ONE BRAND. Whether it's Power Balance or iRenew, people are obviously completely desperate to find the magic bullet to cure all their ills.

Really, what is not to love about a magic bracelet that will harmonize your energies, restore your balance, and add inches to your penis? Okay, that last claim might not have been made but it's just as realistic as all the others so I'm throwing it in. Plus, it so should have been made. When I make my millions with Martin's magic bracelet it will add 2" (per bracelet! buy lots!). Guaranteed.

The power of placebo is obviously not something you want to underestimate.

I was listening to a story on NPR the other day (which was probably a follow-up to this one) where they said that not only do placebos work, they still work a significant amount of the time when people know it's a placebo. Apparently just the act of taking a pill will make some people feel better and cause them to have a physiological change brought on by psychological conviction. Nice.

I am a huge skeptic. HUGE. About anything/everything. Sometimes to the dismay of my wife and friends but I mean c'mon, how crazy – and sometimes incredibly vaguely documented – do these claims sound?

• It will improve your balance.

Whatever. How many ways are there to fake this? About a million. Here is one.

Damn... I gotta get me one of these.

• The hologram works with your body's natural energy field.

What...?! Call me closeted but I did not know that I needed to carry around a hologram much less that it would "resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of my body". But hey, if this infomercial/web site/random spokesperson says it's true then I better order one up stat. It also says here that if I'm one of the first 100 callers I will get an additional bracelet for free! All I need to pay is separate shipping and handling. While I'm at it, I better get a tinfoil hat to protect myself from the harmful Martian rays.

• Ekolu Kalama (or Shaquille O'Neal or whoever) uses it so it must be good.

Here is what Mr. Kalama said, "I started using Power Balance after I saw my wife have the best sesh of her life with the stickers on her board." Interesting to note that for Ekolu's wife all that was needed was a Power Balance sticker, she did not even need the bracelet. Just think how much more powerful the actual hologram must be than a mere picture of the hologram...! It boggles the mind. That, or the blind faith people put in stuff like this.

It came as a pleasant surprise to me that based on the AP article Australian Competition and Consumer Commission got Power Balance to admit that there is no scientific evidence to substantiate any claims of improved anything. But will it stem the flow of cash to the Power Balance bank accounts? Hardly. When you get professional athletes endorsing these things and trainers for professional teams saying they, "swear by it" most nay sayers get trampled in the stampede. And don't forget the celebrity endorsements.

Remember the good old days when a bracelet actually donated money to something worthwhile or even just helped you feel good about an ethical cause? I do, and I even have a small collection myself:

[Surprisingly, four out of these five actually did raise money for a cause...]

Of course this led to scores of wannabes who would adorn themselves with rubber bangles thus multiplying their outward show of support or goodness quotient. These four Livestrong bracelets on my wrist mean I'm four times as much of a supporter (read: gooderer) than you. Plus they absolve me of the guilt I felt when I did not buy a Real Change paper last night as I was leaving the grocery store. Kinda like diet soda cancels out French fries I think.

If you think these bracelets are junk science or a powerful placebo, you might also be interested in people who espouse truths like vaccinations causing autism. Some feel so compelled they start their own organization. At least one of them might be coming around. Still, some people will cling relentlessly to a belief even thought it has been debunked.

And don't get me started on toning shoes.

I guess the idea is that if your foot is less stable, your body will engage more muscles when you stand/walk thus giving your 'back' some 'boom'. What's that you say? These shoes don't work and are not living up the manufacturer's claims? And they might even be dangerous because you are more likely to roll your ankle or suffer some repetitive motion injury? Duh. Luckily America is the land of litigation and so you can take your ridiculous claim to some firm of ambulance chasers. How ludicrous is that? I mean, that's like suing someone who makes hot coffee for burning you because you spilled the coffee on yourself. And it was hot. People...

Anyway, pretty cool to be that guy who makes these kinds of claims. And when I say 'cool' I of course mean embarrassing.

Technorati Tags: iRenew,Power Balance,bracelet,magic

that guy-Mr. prolific YouTube poster

How often can I say this? I love, LOVE, the Internet. Case in point.

Getting something on that's for sure...

Now let me count some of the ways in which I love the Internet (read: this video).

• The room. As one commenter on another of his videos said, "Thumbs up if you love a good one man rave in your mums basement!"
• The carpet. Is that some kind of AstroTurf?
• The two most popular comments. Hahahaha... I swear, kids (which I guess includes me) never tire of the obligatory let-me-say-something-gay-in-an-effort-to-make-you-who-are-probably-straight-uncomfortable joke.
• The copiousness. takeSomeCrime is a prolific poster on YouTube – holy cow.
• He's a one man dance crew for sure. And not afraid to show it. Over and over again.
• The hair. Just long enough so it kinda covers his eyes/face and has to continually whipped aside. One word: style. Six more: peer pressure is a powerful thing.

Say what you will, takeSomeCrime does have good taste in shoes. And, he's not afraid to use props. But based on those pants it does seem like his popularity has definitely gone to his head.

Technorati Tags: YouTube

that guy–running up a mountain pass in your Speedo

So I'm watching the last stage of the Tour of California and for a change the weather is pretty nice. When you combine that with a long climbs the fans are suddenly able to get really close to the athletes. In cycling this is apparently an invitation for some loony behavior …

I think it all started with Didi Senft – the Devil of the Tour de France. This guy became famous for running alongside the racers in a devil costume brandishing a pitchfork. And not showering much from what I've heard… Now it seems everyone wants some camera face time at bike races.

Today I saw the following.

• A dude in a Speedo and nothing else. Back to basics I guess.
• Three dudes in Speedos with their helmets on backwards. Now that's just whacky.
• The usual group with painted faces, although they did not run too far from their cooler.
• All the flag waving fans that are always within inches of stuffing their flag in the spokes of some rider.
• Hundreds of people with some sort of handheld bell… did they issue these or something?
• Some guy with cycling shorts and tie. Need I say it? And nothing else.
• A person wearing a (really bad) Roman Legionnaire costume complete with sword.
• This character with a football jersey, matching shorts and enormous antlers on his football helmet. He has made more than one appearance this year. It says Montana on the jersey. And it probably says his mother smoked and drank during her pregnancy in some hospital filing cabinet.
• Two guys in giant fat suites/sumo costumes. They were the best, totally hilarious.

Truth be told I guess it's not much different than a playoff game in hockey or football. I wonder if living vicariously through athletes produces as many endorphins/testosterone/whatever as it does for the athlete and since you are not actually doing anything physical you need to vent this energy in some other way? Or is there some hard-core sports fan club that I'm not aware of and to get in you have to endure some sort of initiation.

"Okay Bill, you have shown extreme dedication and loyalty to your team by organizing the tailgate party and the keg chug for kids during spring training but tomorrow you need to go all the way. We're going to need you to wear nothing but your high school gym shorts and some body paint at the game. We know it's going to be 28 degrees but we want to be sure you really want to be in the club…"

Oh man, I just saw the guys in the fat/sumo suits again – they rule.

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that guy-I take 30 minutes between sets at the gym

And more, Jesus.

So there is this guy at the gym I go to that I have always thought was kinda amusing but today I decided he's pretty ridiculous as well. No really, I just did that. :)

Anyone who has lifted weights at a gym knows who I'm talking about... he's the guy that takes forever to complete a set while the world is waiting. Never mind that he might be using the only machine of this kind, you need to wait. He has developed this finely-tuned routine and damn it nobody is going to mess with it or his mojo during the whole psyching up process he goes through for every single set.

What am I talking about? Here goes.

• First of all this is one skinny dude. He obviously is doing something wrong because for the amount of time he goes to the gym he should be making serious gains. SERIOUS. What's the take-away from this people? Time in the gym does not gun show equal.
• He wears this completely comical white, terry cloth sweatband on his head. When I see it all I can think of is Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. And he never actually breaks a sweat. Ironic? Maybe just ridiculous.
• He's always sporting the full, gauntlet style weightlifting gloves complete with elastic Velcro band around the wrist. Why? To prevent the massive calluses his lengthy workouts might produce no doubt. I say might because for every hour this clown is at the gym he probably is actually lifting weights for about five minutes.
• He ALWAYS shows up to the gym in this white, really low, scooped neck tank top. I'm not sure what the neckline is called but I've only seen it in women's clothing catalogs. On the rare occasion he might have a sweatshirt over the tank top but it's there underneath, trust me. I could not help noticing that it's yellowed under the arms. Pit stains...?! Hello, how much can these things cost, $2.99? I say stock up if it's a regular part of your wardrobe. Please, if not for you then for the rest of us.
• Flexing, he's always flexing. If it's not a futile attempt to show off his his non-existent pecs then he's lifting his shirt to check out his own six pack in the mirror. And he'll do this from way across the gym when the mirror is not even close. I usually avert my eyes when this happens so I can't actually confirm the existence of said six pack but damn he does this a lot.
• Time is obviously not a factor in this guy's life; he obviously has tons. There is no other explanation for how long it takes him to complete a set. One day I literally watched him complete three sets of an exercise in the 30 minutes I was doing cardio. THREE SETS. He started out by carefully placing the weights on the machine. Then he would adjust his sweatband, his gloves, pace around a bit (channeling something or someone no doubt) and finally sit down. Then he had to close his eyes and rally his resources for the massive effort he about to undertake. After finally finishing one set, he would repeat this routine with the additions of walking to the other side of the gym and back (you gotta get your rest of course) and LINING UP THE HANDLES ON ALL THE WEIGHTS.) For the second and third set he took it to a whole new level. This chest press machine has a seatbelt. Not sure why you would fly off the seat while pushing on weights that force you down into it but it's there. And this guy has to use it. And adjust it. And tighten it. And adjust it some more. And tighten it some more. Oh my god, it makes me crazy just writing about this... And when he's done with his three mighty sets, does he put anything away? Of course not.

Of course the bigger question might be why Martin feels compelled to watch this guy and memorize all the details of his comical routine - I feel like it has been burned into my brain! Why can't I just do my thing and go home? Good question. But it's not the point here; I want to vent.

Okay, therapy session is over, I feel better now.

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that guy–shorts in winter

I saw him again today...!

And when I say 'him' I of course mean a person that fits this stereotype.

Last night taking the bus home it was FREEZING out, mid 30s at best with a mild wind chill to boot. Half way home this guy gets up and gets off the bus; he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. You hear me? People, I'm talking NOTHING BUT SHORTS AND A T-SHIRT here.

What is it with these people? Are they really that hot-blooded or is their metabolism really so jacked up that they just do not get cold? Or is it that they just can't/won't/couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to switch up their wardrobe even a teeny, tiny bit. You know, roll with the seasons and all that.

This guy fit the bill perfectly. He was young (20 maybe?), slightly overweight, kinda introverted looking and was wearing black Velcro tennis shoes with white, crew-length socks. One had fallen down and the other was pulled up, sorta. As he shouldered his backpack and walked sort of awkwardly down the sidewalk I was left thinking is it that hard to put on even a sweatshirt?

I can just see this guys closet. Five pairs of shorts (just enough to last until the next time he does laundry assuming he wears each pair a few days in a row) and 20 t-shirts. 90 percent of which he got for free. Some of these would have slogans on them like:

• [insert name of high school here]
• [insert name of computer game here]
• Mountain Dew

ASIDE - see, the true nerd doesn't wear shirts with slogans like, "There's no place like 127.0.0.1" or, "There are only two kinds of people, those that understand binary and those that don't". They wear stuff that isn't clever at all. That's why they are nerds. Get it?

So today on the way to work I see this same guy on the bus again. So help me he has on the same shoes, socks, shorts and shirt. [And I thought I was bad...] If anything it was even colder this morning than last night plus it was pretty foggy and his face was flushed and his arms were pink so I'm thinking he has GOT to be cold. Is it that he just doesn't understand that clothes have a purpose or he's just so OCD that putting on anything out of the ordinary would be too upsetting?

And then I'm thinking, if this guy is legitimately warm enough when it's in the 30s, what does he wear in the summer...?! I mean he has got to be hating life when it tops 70 degrees, right? What about when it gets up to 80? Does he hide in his apartment and put bowls of ice in front of fans? Does he just not go outside?

I give up. I choose just to be entertained. The bus excels at that for sure.

Technorati Tags: that guy,shorts in winter

that guy–big stain on crotch

None of us ever want to be that guy, be it this category or any other but this time it was me.

I'm eating my 'lunch' (and when I say lunch I really mean whatever scraps and leftovers I can scrounge up when I happen to get hungry) at my desk and today it consisted of some bread and marinara sauce. In general there is nothing finer and I love dipping bread in just about everything. So I'm ripping off hunks and dipping them in the sauce and greedily chowing down.

Then, as is my nature, I realize that there is some stray sauce around the lip of the Tupperware... Being Martin means I'm compelled to get every last molecule of food in my mouth and so I dutifully take a piece of bread and run it around the lip of the container to mop it all up. First the outside and then the inside.

Seeing as I'm doing this at my desk the doctor is in so to speak and people keep popping by the IT office. Picture me trying to help the Dean's wife with her husband's Blackberry when suddenly I'm startled by this cool sensation down by my crotch. I look down and I'm slowly pouring the marinara sauce into my lap because in my efforts to wipe the last bit of sauce off the inside of the container I had tilted it way over; too far over.

She was like, "Oh, I can see you are in the middle of your lunch, how about I come back later...?"

No...! I said something like, "Just leave the Blackberry here and I'll have it back to you in a jiffy." I reach for the first thing that seems capable of scooping sauce off my jeans and it's a card Shelley sent me long ago. But it's glossy (so hopefully the sauce will not damage it) and it's rigid enough so I grab it. As the Dean's wife is walking out of the office I'm left trying to scrape all this mess off my pants and be super subtle about it. Not.

Then I have to run to the bathroom to grab a bunch of paper towels, wet them down and start the dabbing process in what is always a futile attempt to make it look like this never happened. Of course that is not what happens and instead I emerge from the bathroom with a big, wet stain on my jeans right in the most embarrassing spot possible. Nice. All I can say is thank goodness I didn't have to give a talk or anything.

By now my jeans are mostly dry and it looks like the card survived. Whew...

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that guy-10 gallon hard hat

Call me a cave dweller but I had never seen this before yesterday when I was driving Cameron to school. We passed by a construction site and one of the workers was running across the street to a mini mart and he had on a hard hat in the shape of a cowboy hat.

Nice.

What's the deal here? Is turning your traditional, old school hard hat around backwards just not hip enough? Or is this just the classic rock version of the hard hat and it's been around for years - it's just that I have never seen it. I'm betting that's the case...

A quick Google search confirms that you can get a hard hat in any color you want, with any graphics, but they only come in the standard shape (with some slight variations) and the cowboy hat. And I could not help but notice that all the 'models' sporting the cowboy hard hat had a mustache. It seems somehow perfect.

It really does come to your frame of reference. If I was on a construction site and saw someone with a cowboy hard hat they would be subjected to endless ribbing. Which obviously proves that I have never been on any construction site in my life. If this guy can get away with that hat in one of the most narrow minded, homophobic, blinders on when it comes to style communities it has got to be a cool thing to do. Not so cool that everyone is doing it mind you, you've gotta know the young construction crowd prefers the Ken Griffey look but still, to be able to pull that off...

One word: balls

Some more: doesn't travel outside of his social circle much

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