12 February 2009

that guy-I take 30 minutes between sets at the gym

And more, Jesus.

So there is this guy at the gym I go to that I have always thought was kinda amusing but today I decided he's pretty ridiculous as well. No really, I just did that. :)

Anyone who has lifted weights at a gym knows who I'm talking about... he's the guy that takes forever to complete a set while the world is waiting. Never mind that he might be using the only machine of this kind, you need to wait. He has developed this finely-tuned routine and damn it nobody is going to mess with it or his mojo during the whole psyching up process he goes through for every single set.

What am I talking about? Here goes.

  • First of all this is one skinny dude. He obviously is doing something wrong because for the amount of time he goes to the gym he should be making serious gains. SERIOUS. What's the take-away from this people? Time in the gym does not gun show equal.
  • He wears this completely comical white, terry cloth sweatband on his head. When I see it all I can think of is Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. And he never actually breaks a sweat. Ironic? Maybe just ridiculous.
  • He's always sporting the full, gauntlet style weightlifting gloves complete with elastic Velcro band around the wrist. Why? To prevent the massive calluses his lengthy workouts might produce no doubt. I say might because for every hour this clown is at the gym he probably is actually lifting weights for about five minutes.
  • He ALWAYS shows up to the gym in this white, really low, scooped neck tank top. I'm not sure what the neckline is called but I've only seen it in women's clothing catalogs. On the rare occasion he might have a sweatshirt over the tank top but it's there underneath, trust me. I could not help noticing that it's yellowed under the arms. Pit stains...?! Hello, how much can these things cost, $2.99? I say stock up if it's a regular part of your wardrobe. Please, if not for you then for the rest of us.
  • Flexing, he's always flexing. If it's not a futile attempt to show off his his non-existent pecs then he's lifting his shirt to check out his own six pack in the mirror. And he'll do this from way across the gym when the mirror is not even close. I usually avert my eyes when this happens so I can't actually confirm the existence of said six pack but damn he does this a lot.
  • Time is obviously not a factor in this guy's life; he obviously has tons. There is no other explanation for how long it takes him to complete a set. One day I literally watched him complete three sets of an exercise in the 30 minutes I was doing cardio. THREE SETS. He started out by carefully placing the weights on the machine. Then he would adjust his sweatband, his gloves, pace around a bit (channeling something or someone no doubt) and finally sit down. Then he had to close his eyes and rally his resources for the massive effort he about to undertake. After finally finishing one set, he would repeat this routine with the additions of walking to the other side of the gym and back (you gotta get your rest of course) and LINING UP THE HANDLES ON ALL THE WEIGHTS.) For the second and third set he took it to a whole new level. This chest press machine has a seatbelt. Not sure why you would fly off the seat while pushing on weights that force you down into it but it's there. And this guy has to use it. And adjust it. And tighten it. And adjust it some more. And tighten it some more. Oh my god, it makes me crazy just writing about this... And when he's done with his three mighty sets, does he put anything away? Of course not.

Of course the bigger question might be why Martin feels compelled to watch this guy and memorize all the details of his comical routine - I feel like it has been burned into my brain! Why can't I just do my thing and go home? Good question. But it's not the point here; I want to vent.

Okay, therapy session is over, I feel better now.

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