06 October 2010


Pretty much anything that's smooth Martin loves to shove in his mouth.

I like soft desserts, pudding, ice cream, yogurt, whipped cream, parfaits, custard, eggnog, you get the picture. So it's no wonder that I like smoothies. And no, they are not just for breakfast. Any time I want to chug as many calories as will sustain a third world family for an entire week in a single sitting, I just pull out my blender and go to town.

ASIDE - what a freakin' cash cow industry, eh? Put a lot of shit in a blender, serve it up in a huge cup, make people pay more for some ground up flax seed or a crushed multi-vitamin and laugh all the way to the bank. I should buy some stock… Did I mention covering the cup in labels like "Natural" (what the hell does that really mean anyway?) and "Pure" (does pure heinousness count?) and people flock to your counter.

Smoothies are a breakfast staple of mine at home and I have been asked on occasion what the heck I put in them (and then ridiculed based on my answer by my wife and son) so here goes. Submitted for your approval – not that it matters because this is my blog – here is what Martin blends on a regular basis.

  • Two or three pieces of fruit, two of which are usually bananas. Yes, I do remove the seeds if I use an apple or pear, etc. Sheesh…
  • One multi-vitamin. Sometimes. I'm not a slave to dietary supplements by any means.
  • One scoop of soy protein powder (usually from Trader Joe's 'cuz it's stupid cheap there) as my diet is normally about 90 percent carbs. :( Unless you count the 20 percent that is alcohol or the other 60 percent that is cheese. Anyway, that's about 12 grams of protein to you and me.
  • Plain, non-fat yogurt for thickening.
  • Non-fat milk for thinning. I know, don't say it. And besides, no liquid at all would not a smoothie make. More of a roughie I guess. Dryie? Scratchie?
  • A handful of peanuts. Gotta have 'em.
  • Two tablespoons of peanut butter. If some peanuts are good, more are better, right? Besides, these two ingredients have a different texture. The whole nuts provide a crunchy texture and the butter provides the flavor.
  • Some kind of grain like oatmeal or musli or granola or maybe some uncooked hot cereal for extra body, calories and that stick-to-your-ribs substance. This is the part that grosses out most people, "You put that uncooked 7-grain cereal in your smoothie?!" Yes I do. My body is my temple and I will desecrate it how I please.
  • Frozen berries. This is my latest addition and I LOVE it. It adds some sweetness, loads of flavor, all without a ton of sugar. I usually buy these at Trader Joe's too as they are quite pricy at QFC, etc. unless they are on sale.

I set the blender to pulse and away I go. Nirvana in a 32-36 (or is it 40?) oz serving.

Any guesses as to how many calories this monstrosity contains? I have no idea and have never bothered to add it all up. I do know that if I drink this I have to wait a solid three hours before I go on a hard ride and more if the exercise is going to involve any kind of jumping or impact like running. I do know it weighs about 2 lb. Maybe I should get a clue.

Or I can just continue to enjoy my blended breakfast. And I do; probably 2-3 times per week.

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